'none'..publicizing some personal..

Who am I? Why am I here? What am I craving for? What's life?......

Ah..I am in an inevitatble state of mind. Hassled and tedious for no perceptible reason :( I am not sure what actually I want to confess. At present my mind, my soul is crestfallen.I am in a pensive mood.

I agree, I talk rubbish, blabber, often kidding or whatever. Yes. I am moody and at present dull and cheerless. Perhaps I am boring and wearisome. I take it-I am in such lovable milieu. Fenced in among intimates(who loves me despite my negatives) Still...but still I feel lonely, solitary,remote sometimes.I want to do something.I want to speak something.I want to share something.But what? I have attempted to decipher myself..life...but to no avail.I try to be vivacious or may be I am. Do people like that? I can't hurt anybody and if I do(unintentionally), it keeps bugging me for hours and days.:( Perhaps this is why i try to adjust myself in accordance with everyones' disposition! Yes I am introvert kind of person and timid.

I prefer silence, serenity and calmness(at present at least). There isn't anything absorbing around. I am only physically present here,mentally.. far away... on a sea beach..in a garden.. in a church..or in silence...thinking something deep..very deep..in an attempt to reach the root but in vain..engrossed in in my irrational thoughts without any head or tail.Sometimes I sit at night gazing the starry skies..gripped again in some thoughts..nascent ones!

Ah..I have heard many a times..Life's beautiful. Is it really? If yes. then how? I can't feel so....It's(life) on its track,hauling me alongwith. Dragging on and on and on and...

Am I complicated or am I making things appear so? Am I stupid or impractical? Am I confused? Ah..I am dull and sullen . Well I am in disgusted and nauseous state of mind.



My sincere apology for this obscure and dowdy post/thinking of mine. May be it's crappy for you. Just blurted out to unsaturate my drenched mind :(
Sorry nothing appealing to entice you...

Comments

Phoenix said…
1.u dont need to entice anyone to read ur posts, or to the blog, or in life, EVER!

2. what u right is one of the most universally appealing things u can EVEr write...because this is something that EVERYONE connects to and identifies with....All feel the same way, sometime or the other, and at different levels.
It's a good thing that u accept and acknowledge it...that requires some strength. congratulations!

3.Do not be scared of introspection. And do not be scared of listening to others' views on that. there's always scope for improvement,, in everyone. Enjoy this.

4. I'm only talking from personal experience, and from wat I have seen....sorry if i sound preach-y.
7/11/05 3:44 PM
Neha Sinha said…
Gawd! i never reckoned such reciprocations!! I thought it was freaky...and what a collection of mixed responses!!

@ nitin

:)..Am I really? wow..pleasure to know that. thank U

hmm..'finally' living up to the blog title!! rite? yah..had to give another thought before posting [..usually i don't do while talking as well]
blogging is definitely adding up my acquaintance..thanks to u :)

//go find a meaning in ur life
ah..not that simple :( ....but will definitely keep trying till...

//the post doesn`t really attract a comment
R u sure? :P
well..i thought that as well..n amazed to get such amazing responses!![which probably..let me out of the introspection!!]


@Smriti
:))
seems u r 'obsessed' by Mrs Jacobi :P

thanks anyway..told u naa..it was jus i dared to pen down my thoughts!


@ Panna
boring :o ...y yaar? what makes u thinks so? c' mmon!
philosophy...not really

// now u r growing rather developing in true sense
oh..i was absorbed by these thoughts pehle bhi...well just ventured to publisize it now..btw to pehle i wasn't u mean !?! :(
u r happy abt?..my articulation or my introspection or by the fact i m growing/developing?? anyway..gud to know i made u so :)

exactly..seems my blog is adding up ur acquaintance as well !!

thank god! i expected an "emotinal fool" from u. :P
7/11/05 10:44 PM
Neha Sinha said…
@ apurwa

.first of all congratulations for accessing the blogging world :)

well..knew that all introspects but just happened to know the thinking is same as well !!
no probs..i did it for u (latent outrage u c) :P

//u sounded to me like a kid
:D..well nothing new. have been habituated (to this tag) :P
...n u r sounding to me like my granny :P
my dear experinced friend...i respect your practical thoughts as well.. You know I am timid..jus lacking self confidence..though i trust my self but do get easily carried away. needs to be motivated at intervals.. :( [no more confidential]
yah.. u r rite! agree there's no point in brooding over all this..but sometimes i enjoy this. :)

//ur success wud find a definition to ur character
fingers crossed.

hehehehe..no marks distribution here for spellings. don worry :P


@ Priya
U r dejected as well !!..oh. i m out of it. i'd like to know the cause if it isn't the same 'irrational thoughts'!

// various chambers of my heart
four yaar. :P

anyway..as said i happen to know that, more or less introspections are common! well...seems i have got u involved in such thoughts via my post..
"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler." check out underneath the blog title!
well apurwa says-be practical n i think that's the rite way out..no point if being indulged in impractical thoughts which will lead nowhere! duniya badi kharab hai.. :((
;)

i m sure u can express it better than me:)
7/11/05 10:49 PM
Neha Sinha said…
@ phoenix

agree. for life it's true but for blog/post my idea 'was' a bit different. all rite take back my apology :)
just got transcended to 'seasoned blogger' u c [:P] lacking experience :(

as said.. i repeat-just happened to know all these 'universal thoughts' meets somewhere...wow..great that U accepted and ackowledged mine's :) thanks.

well..thanks again for backing up. i'll remeber this when i'll find myself in similar plight again.if i would have been scared of listening to others views, i would have never started this blog!! at present m enjoying everything :)

gr8 u've shared ur personal experince..liked it as well :)
ah..nothing preachy!! it's wonderful have ur comments here.

no doubt- "gals are bold,smart..." discluded IIT..don mind. :P


@ Harkirat

agree..just enhanced mine insight as u see :)
do i have to get in such hysteria to think of right carrer option!?! :o

nice to have your comment..will think of it(such hysteria) sometime enjoyingly!! :)

btw- 'neha' is bold this time :P :P :P
7/11/05 10:53 PM
Anonymous said…
Hey! neha this is really a surprise package after ur last" matured- article".

I had a strong sense of deja vu reading it. It seems that v all r sailing in the same boat.
I had the same gut feeling but never expressed it and neither did u.

N i hope ur pensive mood wud b a bygone thing after these wonderful comments.

well ur vocabulary has really enhanced.
BUT a motherly advice: now don't spend too much time online. Pre-boards are approaching;
I hope u have completed ur projects???? so....on with ur studies.
I think that's enough.......we'll meet 2morrow.
8/11/05 6:24 PM
Neha Sinha said…
@poorva
exactly...
anyway..look up. i'hv taken ur motherly advice :D
10/11/05 1:21 AM
Neha Sinha said…
@apurwa
:) :(

@priya
u r still...well do come out of it soon!
will talk to u in apne gurukul mein :D
10/11/05 1:23 AM
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